Why you should give me all your money

Earlier in the week it was mentioned that Shane Warne would make a Test cricket return if he was required.

While I don't doubt that firstly it was meant very lightly and secondly that he still meant it, I find it a highly unlikely prospect, although it would be quite cool.

Unless he dropped a catch on the fifth day of the deciding Test and lost us the series.

Then I would be joining the queue of angry pitchforkers keen to distribute his limbs across continents.

And imagine if he was dreadful. That would make it very funny for all the wrong reasons. Hilarious though. A grand comeback falling flat, especially as it's Warney. Would it fall flat though? I don't think we'll ever know.

"The English cricketers wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry if they knew that Shane Warne was to return for the next Ashes series," said a Channel 7 reporter. It's so true. Funny shit.

Aaaaanyway, a few days ago I was chatting to Herr Q of Well Pitched about Dubai, and we agreed (well I suggested and he agreed - just how it should be too) that the cricket blogging community should purchase one of the Dubai World islands and inhibit it.

We could build a cricket stadium and hold one Test match a year there, sure to begin it may be Italy vs Japan, but soon we'd draw in the big names. One match means it's elusive, and therefore enviable.

And we can have our own awards nights, all the big names would surely be there.

I'd say our own team but, well, I figure if you lot could play professionally you would, instead of just writing about it.

Now, as we were discussing the unlimited number of talented players pouring out of Australia (his words, sort of) I think it would be prudent to make Blogland one of the Australian states.

Western Australia. Or maybe, just for the hell of it, Svalbard. I'm sure Norway have a lot to offer the world of cricket, especially the Svalbardians.

Basically, we'd be successful, elusive yet sought after. And pretty much, that's what I want from life.

The islands only cost $25 - $30 million. Who wants to be the first to pledge?

Ricky Ponting does something

According to the ABC... "The Western Australian Cricket Association (WACA) has denied reports that Pakistani batsman Younis Khan will play for the Warriors next season."

Oooh!

Apparently he's been cleared by the Pakistan Cricket Board to play, but the WACA are denying all knowledge.

Sure it would be kind of cool to have an overseas player, but I can't imagine we're short of players talented enough to make the team?

There's always Oomby Dave, who, only this week, took five wickets in one over and made 25 runs. Well done Oomby Dave.

Anyway, this is a mere bagatelle compared to the real news of the day...

Ricky Ponting owned the West Indies in the first Test match in Jamaica.

To this I say... yaaaay!!!

He scored 158, which is nothing to be sniffed at, even if you are the leader of the Liberals in WA.

At the end of Day 1 we're 4 for 301. And I'm sure all Victorians will be thrilled with Brad Hodge's decent 53 off 105, which makes Michael Hussey's 56 off 146 look disappointing, and he (Hodgey) is still in. Amazing.

So it's all looking good. Shame really, because I just heard on news that Michael Clarke is on his way out there to join the team.

Yay. (This is a different sort of yay to the other yay. Just in case you couldn't tell.)


As you can see by the above photograph, it's a rather rainy day in sunny Perth today. Although, this photo doesn't depict it very well because it stopped raining when I took the photograph and the sun came out. Even so, I wish I was in Jamaica.

I will go to a Test match in the West Indies in my lifetime.

I will, damn it.

Back to our Ricky. I really hope that this is it for him and he can put his crappy summer season behind him. His summer was as crappy as our winter is promising to be...

After all, we need to him to lead us to another five-nil whitewash next year, which is something I look forward to more every day.

He's stylish, he's talented, he's everything we need and so much more.

True lies

Today is a happy day.

Today I was offered a kick-arse job.

Today I resigned from my current job.

Today I saw the new Indiana Jones film (did I mention I saw Prince Caspian three weeks in advance of its release, yes yes it's true, and it gave me a brilliant idea, you'll see).

To celebrate my happiness (it's slowly creeping back - now you're at home) I am going to make some declarations that I wouldn't on most days. I guess some of them are straight out lies, but here we go nonetheless...


Does not use Botox.

Humble.

Interesting.

Congenial.

Not a traitor.

Not a rudderless hippie with a hunting knife strapped to his shin.

I love rangas.

Eloquent.

His own children.

Has hope.

Normal.

Male.

Really, rangas are great.

Not entering a sham marriage, straight and in love.

Not Fiyero.


Also male.

Not Brett Lee.

Talented.

Blue... VB... headwear... nooo...

What the hell? Blue peak caps? We're not England!

But apparently it's not all about advertising. It's because Brad Haddin doesn't have a Baggy Green as yet and they were concerned about uniformity.

Who do they think they're kidding? This is a very lame excuse and just doesn't cut it.

If they're worried about uniformity, why didn't they all wear their wide-brimmed white hats? They look good and those hats are way better for sun protection anyway.

And if Brad Haddin is going to play Test matches, just give him the damn Baggy Green, losing the pomp and circumstance is a damn sight better than this alternative.

Those Baggy Greens are a defining point for that team, look at them lined up in those next to the Poms in their Vodafone hats, and we all know who looks the part.

How embarrassing.

VERY disa-ponting.

Tipping yes for humiliation

My good friend Leg Break (who is yet to be allocated a daemon) has begun a tipping contest for the England/New Zealand series, over at Sportsfreak.

It's well worth a look, if for no other reason than to see me make a fool of myself.

These are the specific questions for each test match.

1. Result.

2. Session the test finishes on.

3. England top run scorer for the match

4. NZ top run scorer for the match

5. Who will bowl the most overs?

6. What will the winner of the toss do?

7. Second to Sidebottom, who will get the most wickets in the test?

8. Which non-keeper will take the most catches?

9. What will Brendon McCullum's strike rate be for the match?

10. Man of the match.

If anyone would like to offer suggestions I would be happy to hear them. I need all the help I can get. I've already submitted my tips for the first Test, but even so, I'm bound to be on about -8 after the match. As it is I'm on -1 before the tour's properly started.

Leaderboard

Teams/Players	Points
Mike from Mike on Cricket	1
King Cricket	1
Well Pitched	1
Sportsfreak	0
Cricket Action Art	0
Cricket With Balls	0
The Silly Point	0
Beer and Sport	0
Sport Review NZ	0
Republique Cricket	-1
Ben from Mike on Cricket	-1
Miss Field	-1

Typical!

Kia Ora bro

That there exists this picture of Ross Taylor on cricinfo as his profile photo is deserving of a post of its own.
During the 2007 Australia/England/New Zealand ODI tri-series I was watching an Australia/New Zealand match from a gorgeous holiday house in Dunsborough.

Ahh.

Anyway. At this time I got an SMS from my mother claiming that young Ross looks like Ioan Gruffudd, aka Horatio Hornblower. This prompted a 'hmmm, are you sure??' reply from me.

A few minutes later her response read "Aha. Have put my glasses on. He is a bro!"

Not even ow. Go New Zealand!!

And then she rose out of the ashes...

Today is my birthday. I haven't aged a day? You're too kind.

Here is my last birthday cake, which I am particularly proud of...
While I will do my best to refrain from making too many references to hobbits and magic rings, I have decided to dedicate a birthday post to, well, me. Precious.

A little indulgence, a little 'crazy fangirl', something just a tiny bit out of the ordinary... (no arguments, thank you, it's my birthday not yours)

I'm rather disappointed about the low resolution. No justice done at all. Still, here is my blog-birthday present to me.

Made during the last World Cup final, by my dear friend Peggs McGrath...

"That's right, I am very sexy."

Taduh. Now, if you would like to contribute to my birthday post, please email any photos or links to misfield@gmail.com and I shall upload them here. Appropriate ones, thanks. There will be no Harbhajan Singh on this birthday post! And if any of you have spotted that photo of MV on cricket.com.au, well I don't want that one either. Hmph.

Now don't forget to put it in the diary/Blackberry/other for next year. May 12. And then go out and celebrate me. And toast the Australian cricket team.

EDIT: Beautiful art from Sasha...

and The Atheist...
which I will treasure. Anonymous also sent a very recent photo of Ricky Ponting.
Annnnnd check out this masterpiece from Julie, currently also residing as my desktop wallpaper...
Thanks y'all!

Yahussrah.

This is not a pipe

Well I'm pleased.

Until Michael Clarke rocks into the West Indies the (second) main man is......

A West Australian! And a real one, one who stayed.

In other good news for, well me, Brad Hodge the Attractive is replacing Michael Clarke the Weed.

Roll on Jamaica!

I'm promoting Michael Hussey to the status of King. Which technically, according to me at least, makes him King Cricket. I'd Paint (yes Paint) a crown on him but a certain other blogger may sue me for stealing his idea (or whatever that is in lawyery words, or at least not quite so late words (look I'm tired, it's been a long day.))... there are lawyers out there, you know.

But here he is, none the less.
Actually, in case you're not as perceptive as I am, it isn't Michael Hussey. Not that one at least. But this is what Google images gave me so it's while you're damn well getting you ungrateful little shits.

His eyebrows are better manicured than mine. I'm not sure who that's insulting.

Maybe it's a woman with REALLY badly managed PCOS.

Actually he's in the Most Wanted List for California, so keep your eyes peeled.

Ah shut up.

Thoughts from the trenches

Today I had the good fortune to meet the Deputy Prime Minister.

Now, I only work for a small news organisation, and yes there was a bit of shoving and pushing involving Channel 9 and ABC camera crews.

However, one of her media people did ask me if I had anything I wanted to ask her, so I thought on my feet and enquired whether she believes that Ricky Ponting will still be Australia's captain for the next Ashes tour.

Actually, an excellent suggestion has been made on this very blog - that Ricky Ponting be installed as President of Myanmar. Now I can see the merits in this, but only if his cricket career really is over. Which I'm quite confident it isn't.

And Brad Haddin's all grown up now and all, they interviewed him on the news and he had opinions and it almost brought a tear to the eye I tell ya. What was he bangin on about? Oh yes, whether HawkEye should be involved in official cricket decisions.

He thought not. I think it's worth a try. The three appeals thing or whatever it is. If it's crap, dump it! Good philosphy for most things really. Anyway, is Braddles captain/vice captain material?

I came across a picture of Andrew Flintoff leaving court and my respect did diminish a bit (at LAST!) because he doesn't look like the manly man he does on field. He looks like a soccer player! And check out the sunnies. Yuck.

He has been 'cleared of speeding on a technicality'... isn't that law speak for 'he had the money to buy representation good enough to get him out of it'?.

I wonder how you can get out of speeding on a technicality. Personally I abhor speeding, so let's hope it's a lesson learnt (cos shit if you end up in court over it you must really have been speeding)... yeah, right eh?

I took my love down to Violet Hill.

I was gone for five minutes and see what happens!

Jrod's starting* a friggin empire, The Atheist has a correspondent in the Caribbean, Q's become my Facebook friend and Suave's turned into a green tooth!

Anyway, as reported on AYALAC, the dates for Australian tour of England are out and proud. (I might be there. Happy thought indeed - except for the prospect of getting abused at The Oval. Maybe not mmm.)

My theory is that the reason there are seven one dayers is because it's the only variation of the sport that England have a hope in Hades of winning. I'm not suggesting we will win five-nil again (although what a thought! Remember the chant?) but I can't imagine England winning the Ashes back. They could win a one day series though. I said could!

Would anyone care to speculate as to whether Ricky Ponting will still be the captain for this tour? Personally I have my doubts. But as I think Michael Clarke is better suited to presenting Queer Eye for the Straight Guy than the cricket team, I propose a new selection process for the fight for the captaincy.

A Big Brother style contest of course. Now I actually believe Big Brother has less purpose on this planet than Paris Hilton (will that score me more hits? I don't want to be a Hilton hit-whore!), however I would tune in to see Michael Hussey and Brett Lee engage in intellectual debate as to who is more deserving of the role.

And naturally we the viewers get to vote each player out. During the day, instead of participating in the usual sort of activities the Big Brother contestants play, like pretending to be as clever as a piece of furnitire (I've heard some of them have had nervous breakdowns over that one, poor loves), they can train, because we want them to be as fit and competitive as ever, but at night they will prove their worth in other ways.

The last man standing will be the captain. Now, would Michael Clarke be the last man standing? Would Australians vote for him? I have a sinking feeling they would. I'm not sure where my vote rests. I'm inclined to say Brett Lee, but part of me says it would just be too wrong.

But yes, we're definitely now on the road to the Ashes 2009. And it goes to show where cricket priorities lie. I spent ages today trying to find the schedule for the South African tour of Australia later this year but from what I can gather nothing has actually been planned as yet! Come on people, wake up, some of us have plans to make. Sheesh.

So, if anyone has seen or heard from it, please contact CrimeStoppers on 1800 333 000.

Er. Is anyone still watching the IPL?

Finally, and way off subject, if you have a spare ten pounds thirty dollars thousand rupees fifteen euros, might you consider this...

EDIT: *building. He's right, the foundations were constructed long ago.